Teach it. Learn it. Love it.

I made a commitment, so here goes. Maybe something will just...COME OUT OF ME.

I got to speak today at church during Sacrament Meeting. (I have awesome friends. Not just friendly friends---I have the kind of friends that get up early to come to my church at 8:30 to watch me speak. That kind of friends.)

So, I got the call asking me to speak from the member of our bishopric two weeks ago. After a few days of waiting for my mom and dad to decide if we would be here this Sunday, I finally was able to tell him that I would. Though he had previously asked me to speak on service, his message this time was something different.

"I've been prompted," he said, "to ask you to speak on recognizing and expressing gratitude for the miracles in our lives."

I should've seen THAT one coming.

Of course, I immediately thought of my dear Tim, the most miracle-y miracle of all the miracles that have ever occurred in my life.

And though I may not admit it, I really do love speaking in front of people. It must be the actress side of me that comes out, but I really REALLY enjoy teaching. But this week was October Break. And not the relaxing kind of  break---it was the kind where your teachers have given you projects and essays and you have a talk to write.

And so I swam in stress my entire week, dreading what I had to do but nevertheless doing it. It probably should not have been this way, but it turned out that my talk was the last thing on my list to do this week. And when I had to do it, I sat down on my bed and did it. I kept my trusty companion, my scriptures, beside me, and referred to conference talks for ideas on what to speak about. I even found part of a wonderful poem by Kami (Kamety Kam Kams) to include. When I finished my talk, I felt incredibly proud. Perhaps I shouldn't have felt that way; there are so many other things that I could have included. But I was proud of it.

So I stood up today in Sacrament Meeting and gave it. I tried to convey as much of my true emotion about this subject as I could, making eye contact with all the members of the congregation who happened to pass under my sweeping eye. All I could do when I sat down was hope that my message had gotten across to them, and that the Spirit had taught them in all of the areas that I lacked.

I have found that, in my minimal experience of giving talks, that when I am up on the stand, I learn so much more. Perhaps it's much easier for me, with the person speaking just a few feet away from me. But mostly I believe that it's because I taught. I began with my own message. I made a little bit more room for the Spirit to sit in my heart (next to Mr. Fibby) and not just heard but understood and felt everything that was spoken.

After Sacrament Meeting, I was complimented plentifully on my talk. I appreciated their accolades, but I don't know what was in their heart. I don't know if the Spirit had more room to sit in their hearts, too, but I hope that it did.

I'm really glad that I had this opportunity to speak about Tim. Today was the first time that I spoke about and bore testimony of him publicly. I think I needed that.

Thank you again to my awesome friends who supported me. I LOVE YOU!

(P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAMI!!!)